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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23015884">Fate and Other Ambiguous Notions</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Livelovelupin/pseuds/Livelovelupin'>Livelovelupin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Awestruck Sirius, M/M, Regulus being a complete babe, Remus Lupin Fest 2020, also, ha-ha, ”Mysterious” Remus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:27:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,061</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23015884</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Livelovelupin/pseuds/Livelovelupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Truth be told, Sirius has never really paid much attention to Remus before...<br/>(Slytherin!Remus, Gryffindor!Sirius)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>265</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Remus Lupin Fest 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. What We Notice.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>i.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <b>What We Notice.</b> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> Sirius has been having the worst day ever, ever. </p><p>It should be a date put down in history. Sirius should document everything that has happened and anything that will happen so that he could have hope whenever he feels like things couldn’t get any worse, later on. He’d remember what had happened that stupidly dull Wednesday, and he’d think to himself, <em>I’ve survived worse. This is nothing.</em></p><p>(Assuming, of course, that he does indeed survive this day, and that he doesn’t end before it does.) </p><p>“Does this look green to you, Black?” Severus asks, sneering. </p><p>Sirius wants to jab Severus’ head on the wall behind them, repeatedly, until the wall is covered by slimy brains that belong to slimy gits. </p><p>Sirius is also feeling quite violent, on an unrelated note.</p><p>“You fucking--”</p><p>“Just give me that! Honestly,” Severus starts, taking the powdered moonstone from Sirius’ hands, and pushing him away from the cauldron, “Can you not read, Sirius? It says--”</p><p>“I can see what it says.” Sirius grits his teeth and refrains from saying (or doing) anything else. He leans against the wall and decides to spend the remainder of the class watching Severus work on their Draught of Peace. Which, when Slughorn told them they needed to brew, kind of felt like the universe spitting in Sirius’ face. </p><p>Not to be dramatic, of course, but Sirius feels he is a second away from setting Severus’ hair on fire, or maybe setting his own hair on fire, or even--</p><p>Sirius furrows his eyebrows when he notices that Severus is adding the powdered unicorn horn already, when it’s one of the very last steps. It also isn’t powdered--the unicorn horn is cut into small thin pieces, and Severus is adding it quite generously.</p><p>“Can you not read, Snivellus?” Sirius asks, mockingly. “You’re supposed to--”</p><p>“I know what you’re supposed to do,” Severus begins, sounding bored, “but this works better.”</p><p>“Does it?”Sirius can’t deal with Severus right now. If he is being honest, Sirius can never really deal with Severus. “I am not screwing this up because of you!”</p><p>“And you won’t!” Severus sounds exasperated, as if Sirius is the one being unreasonable. “It works better if the unicorn horn is cut and not powdered because--”</p><p>Sirius pushes Severus away from the cauldron. The potion is a shade of red that Sirius thinks is all wrong. He sighs and tries to think of a way to salvage it when Severus pushes him, hard, making the cauldron shake. </p><p>“You fucking asshole!” Severus shrieks. </p><p>“Better not do that again, Snivellus, or I swear to--”</p><p>“Boys!” Slughorn is standing between Sirius and Severus in an instant. “What type of behavior is this? 25 points from Slytherin and Gryffindor,” Slughorn announces, and groans fill the room. Sirius’ eyes are narrowed and he’s glaring at Severus. </p><p>Slughorn shakes his head disapprovingly. “Sirius, please switch seats with Mister Potter. You must know, however brilliant you are, that I will not allow this kind of foolishness in my class! The same goes to you, Severus, of course.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, Professor,” Sirius mumbles as he collects his stuff. He is relieved, if anything, that he will no longer have to be partners with Snape. That is James, now. Sirius shudders as he thinks about it. He feels sorry for James.</p><p>Speaking of which, James is still in his seat, at the front of the class, messing up his hair. He looks at Sirius briefly, before focusing on Slughorn. </p><p>“Actually, Professor, if you wouldn’t min--”</p><p>“On with it now, boy!” Slughorn bellows as he rubs his temples. James huffs and pinches Sirius’ forearm as he walks past him.</p><p>Sirius isn’t going to hear the end of this anytime soon. He curses at nothing in particular before heading towards James’ now empty seat, setting down his stuff and, for the first time, taking a look at his new partner. It’s Remus Lupin. Sirius doesn’t know much about him, at all.</p><p>Remus acknowledges Sirius with a nod as he sits down. He is crushing the unicorn horn. (<em>The way it’s supposed to be prepared,</em> Sirius thinks. Severus is a prat.)</p><p>“Hello,” Remus says, not looking up from his work station. “James was stirring the potion. I think he was on step two, though I can’t be sure. Just start from there, I think, and we’ll see what happens. Worst case scenario, we’ll have to start again, which may sound bad but we could do seeing that--”</p><p>“I’ll start stirring now,” Sirius says, interrupting Remus. Remus doesn’t seem to mind, just hums in response. He doesn’t even seem to realize that he is ranting. He is so focused on crushing the unicorn horn.</p><p>Sirius reads step two; <em>Stir until the potion turns blue. </em>He could do that. </p><p>He starts stirring absentmindedly and making a list of the things that could go wrong before the day ends.</p><p><em>If one more thing ends up getting fucked up,</em> Sirius thinks, as if he is threatening someone (which is ridiculous), <em>I am going to turn Slughorn’s hair bright pink.  </em></p><p>It doesn’t make any sense. It is a stupid if clause--a stupid thought, but Sirius has it. Once Sirius has a thought he can’t let go of it, no matter how stupid and absurd it may be. Slughorn doesn’t even have any hair, not really. But, Sirius is a man of his word--Of his thoughts? He thinks about it some more, and decides that no matter what happens, even if nothing does end up getting fucked up, he will turn Slughorn’s hair bright pink. He deserves it, and maybe even--</p><p>Remus clears his throat. “It’s blue. Now add--”</p><p>“I know what to fucking add,” Sirius snaps, and he would have felt ashamed if he wasn’t so tired. </p><p>Remus hums again, and he doesn’t seem affected by Sirius’, quite honestly, insufferable attitude. He continues crushing the unicorn horn. </p><p><em>How much do we need?</em> Sirius wonders, as he is searching for… for what, again? He looks at the instructions.</p><ol>
<li><em>Add powdered moonstone--</em></li>
</ol><p>He needs moonstone. He looks around at their work station, and looks around some more. He sighs before turning his attention back to Remus. “Eh.”</p><p>Remus points at a small, silver plate with silver powdered moonstone on it. Sirius takes it and mutters a “Thank you.” </p><p>Remus hums in response, <em>again</em>. Sirius adds the moonstone (he’s supposed to keep adding until the potion turns purple) and studies Remus.</p><p>Truth be told, Sirius has never really paid much attention to Remus before. Remus is tall, but he doesn’t look strong. He is lanky and pale.</p><p>And scarred. </p><p>Very scarred, everywhere. On his hands and forearms where his sweater is bunched up, some scars on his neck that disappear abruptly under the collar of his shirt, and on his face. Those are the most striking; they look especially ragged and rough compared to the rest of Remus’ features. The scars are mostly pink and healed, but Sirius does notice a fair few that are red and angry, looking new. </p><p>“Where’d you get your scars?”</p><p>Remus is evidently surprised, but he does his best to hide it. He is very good at that, Sirius notices. </p><p>“A car crash.”</p><p>“A recent car crash?” Sirius asks, raising an eyebrow, “or multiple ones, maybe?”</p><p>Remus puts the crushed unicorn horn in a plate and looks at Sirius, expression passive and slightly amused. “Your potion is burning, Black.”</p><p>Sirius breaks eye contact and looks at the cauldron in front of him. Instead of being purple, it is a bile-like yellow that smells of oranges, strangely. Sirius stares blankly at the bubbling potion, and then focuses on Remus, who is already watching him. </p><p>“Eh.”</p><p>Remus laughs, muffled laughter as not to attract Slughorn’s attention. He pushes Sirius away slightly, and stirs the potion three times counterclockwise, two times clockwise and one last time counterclockwise, and the potion turns a pretty pale purple right in front of Sirius’ eyes.</p><p>“You added too much moonstone,” Remus explains, and Sirius is still dumbfounded. </p><p>“That wasn’t on the instructions.”</p><p>“Now we have to wait until it turns pink and smells like--”</p><p>“How the hell did you do that?” Sirius demands, a little irritated.</p><p>“Severus told me that--”</p><p>“There is no way that-that stupid git knew--”</p><p>“Severus is very good at Potions,” Remus states, looking around their table. “He’s very instinctive and such.”</p><p>“What does that mean?” Sirius asks, huffing. “Snivellus can’t even seem to follow basic instructions.”</p><p>“Don’t call him that. And whatever he was doing was probably going to work better, anyway,” Remus says, still rummaging around their station. “Have you seen the syrup anywhere?”</p><p>Sirius sighs and shakes his head. “I could go get some from the--” He doesn’t get to finish the sentence because Remus is already half-way there. </p><p><em>Okay, then,</em> Sirius thinks and takes a look around him. To his credit, everyone seems to be having a hard time brewing their potion. Everyone except Severus, which makes Sirius angry. </p><p>He scowls as he glares at him, stirring the potion in his cauldron and looking very much at ease. James is almost as scowl-y as Sirius sitting next to Severus. </p><p>When James catches Sirius’ eye, Sirius mouths a<em> better you than me, love. </em>James mouths a <em>fuck you </em>with a quite elaborate physical demonstration, as well. Sirius snorts and turns his attention back to the cauldron. Remus is already there, adding the syrup into the now pink potion, looking bored. </p><p>Sirius clears his throat. “He can’t be better than the fucking textbook, now could he?”</p><p>Remus looks amused, again. “He experiments and takes notes. Quite spectacular.”</p><p>Sirius scowls harder. “Doesn’t make him less of an asshole, though.”</p><p>“You know, objectively speaking, you are also an asshole.” Remus stops adding the syrup as the potion turns turquoise. “No offense, of course, Black.”</p><p>Sirius raises an eyebrow, more amused than offended. “You think so?”</p><p>Remus hums, now just looking at the cauldron waiting for it to turn purple again, as the instructions say. He looks serene now, almost, and Sirius is hit with a sudden urge to<em> argue</em>. And he’s never really been one to suppress urges.</p><p>“I think that’s a load of bullshit.”</p><p>“If you say so.”</p><p><em>Fight with me, dammit!</em> Sirius thinks. “I think that you and your little cult are noth--”</p><p>Remus laughs, cutting Sirius off abruptly. “Our <em>cult?</em>”</p><p>And, okay. That sentence’s ridiculous. Sirius bites his lip to keep from laughing. He still wants to argue, mind you. “Yes,” he says, in a low voice as not to show that he’s losing it.</p><p>“Who are ‘we’, then?”</p><p>“Slytherin blood-obsessed gits that think--”</p><p>“You don’t know that,” Remus says, as soon as the potion turns purple. “You also cannot assume it based on positively nothing when--”</p><p>“I very much can,” Sirius says, blood rushing and heart thumbing and <em>excited. </em></p><p>Remus looks at Sirius, eyes alight and fiery. And then they’re not. They’re calm and collected, back to bored.</p><p>Sirius wants to punch him or break his nose; see how well he can contain his anger, then.</p><p>He does nothing of that sort, against his better judgment. He waits until the potion turns purple, again, and then he starts adding the porcupine quills, making sure to watch the potion closely as not to put in too much. </p><p>As Sirius is adding the quills, his mind wanders to multiple places; where did Lupin get those scars? Some of them looked like accident ones, and others looked like they were put there by claws and teeth.</p><p>“Did you valiantly fight a dragon?” Sirius asks. “Is that it?”</p><p>“In what context am I supposed to think about this question?”</p><p>“In the ‘Is that the reason you have so many scars’ context.”</p><p>Remus doesn’t say anything.</p><p>“Just tell me, honestly. I think it ought to be a pretty great story.”</p><p>Remus raises an eyebrow. “I already did. You’re choosing not to believe me.”</p><p>Sirius scoffs. “That’s because it’s a bullshit story full of bullshit, Lupin.”</p><p>“Your potion is red, Black.”</p><p>Sirius’ hand halts instantly. He peers down at the liquid, and a very much purple potion stares back at him. Remus snorts. </p><p>“har-bloody-har, Lupin,” Sirius says, rolling his eyes and going back to adding the quills. He doesn’t need to add much more, though, and a few seconds later, the potion turns blood red. Remus starts stirring. </p><p>“They are cool, y’know.”</p><p>Remus furrows his eyebrows. “Huh?”</p><p>“Your scars. Pretty cool. A devil-may-care type of cool.”</p><p>Remus flushes pink as he continues stirring. Sirius thinks it’s cute, and wants to hit his head, on a hard surface somewhere, instantly. </p><p>Sirius can’t think Remus is cute. He should think Remus is vile and cruel. He is a Slytherin, after all, and they’re cunning and manipulative. Sirius knows this, has a Slytherin for a brother (that he would murder in cold blood had he not loved him. (A small amount, of course.))</p><p>But Remus is cute, and hot. And Sirius is hormonal and frustrated.</p><p>Sirius has never found it hard to get a date in his life, which is definitely something he took pride in. Admittedly, a Potions classroom is probably not the most romantic place of all places, but he can give it a shot. Maybe if Remus went on a date with Sirius, he would tell him where he got his scars. Maybe Sirius could find out where they end and where they begin. And even--</p><p>A loud ‘boom’ sound cuts Sirius’ train of thought, as almost a dozen dungbombs go off at once. Sirius rushes out of the classroom with the rest of the class as an unpleasant scent engulfs them. Everyone is outside the classroom in an instant, and Slughorn gets out last, looking red in the face and queasy.</p><p>“Potter!” He shouts, making his way to James, who is hiding behind a rather terrified looking Peter. Slughorn turns around to address the students before he reaches James. “Class is dismissed. We will continue next time.”</p><p>Students scatter even before Slughorn is done speaking, and Sirius wants to find Remus, but he stays behind waiting for James, who is nodding as Slughorn goes on and on. </p><p>He has the decency to look ashamed, at least. </p><p>When James and Peter finally join Sirius (after 25 points taken from Gryffindor and a month’s detention cleaning trophies with Filch), Sirius is beaming. He throws his arms around James’ shoulders and starts walking, Peter scurrying behind them. </p><p>“That was brilliant, Jamie! I wish I had done it. Probably would have if I had spent one more moment with that git-- sorry about that, by the way. I would never want to get rid of my misery if that misery ends up piled on you. You do know that Jamie, yes?”</p><p>James squints his eyes. “What’s up with you?”</p><p>“What’s up with me?”</p><p>“I thought you were miserable,” says Peter, having finally caught up with them. </p><p> “I argued with Lupin-- well, half argued. Would want to continue soon. I was going to ask him out and then you did that. Probably a good thing; if someone had asked me out during one of Slughorn’s classes I would have most likely said no unless they had a spectacular ass, in which case--”</p><p>“I don’t know why I’m not surprised,” Peter says, snorting. </p><p>“You’re such a slut, Sirius.”</p><p>Sirius laughs, shaking his head. “If you’re jealous, Jamie, just say so, love.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <b>…</b> </strong>
</p><p>   </p><p> </p><p>“Your brother and his half-witted, ridiculous, unbelievably arrogant friends are going to wake up dead someday, and I will have killed them!” Severus shrieks as he enters the Slytherin common room, face red and sweaty and robes drenched in dungbomb residue. He doesn’t even wait for Regulus to respond as he hurries up the stairs leading to their dormitories, angrily murmuring and shaking his head. </p><p>Regulus, who is sitting next to the fire and reading a book, looks confused. “My day had been wonderful, Severus, learned all about patronuses and deadly plants. Thank you for asking. How was yours?”</p><p>Remus snorts as he plops down next to Regulus. “You must excuse Severus, Reg. I don’t think he’s having a good time.”</p><p>“Oh, whatever gave you that idea?” Regulus replies dryly, returning to his book. </p><p>Although he is a year younger than him, Regulus is the person Remus is closest to in Hogwarts. They met properly one night, in Remus’ second year, in the hospital wing, after a rather cruel full moon. Regulus was put there for a nasty case of chickenpox. They had both been stuck there a couple of days, and they have been friends ever since. </p><p>“Your brother is a piece of work, though.”</p><p>“Oh, whatever gave you that idea?”Regulus repeats as he glares at Remus. He then snorts, as if he can’t help himself. “What did they do this time?”</p><p>Remus narrates what had happened in the Potions dungeon, and by the end, Regulus looks impressed, though he just nods and doesn’t say anything. </p><p>Remus knows that Regulus admires his older brother; that he wants to be like him. But he also does know that the last time they spoke together at Hogwarts, at the beginning of that school year, both ended up in the hospital wing with broken bones (and prides), having lost house points for unauthorized dueling.</p><p>Remus doesn’t understand siblings, but he is pretty sure that’s not how it’s supposed to be.</p><p>(Or is it?)</p><p>Remus rests his head back and closes his eyes, letting out a breath. The full moon is in about seven days, which would usually mean that Remus didn’t have to deal with the irritable fatigue and bone ache, yet. But his transformations have been getting more and more brutal, and the symptoms far more noticeable. </p><p> </p><p>Remus must have fallen asleep because he is awakened by someone poking his arm gently. He is warm and sedated and doesn’t ever want to get up.</p><p>“Mm?”</p><p>“It’s dinner time. Want me to get you anything?”Regulus asks, book in hand.</p><p> “No, thank you. I want to go. Wait for me?” Remus says as he pushes the blanket off him, trying to wake up properly.</p><p>“Please take your time, mi príncipe.”</p><p>Remus laughs as he throws the blanket at Regulus, which he easily dodges. “Asshole.” Remus pauses for a bit. “Like your brother.”</p><p>Regulus groans.</p><p>As they are walking down the corridor, Remus is leaning onto Regulus slightly for support. Regulus doesn’t comment, as he continues reading his book while walking.</p><p>It shouldn’t have been as easy as it was for Regulus to figure out Remus’ lycanthropy. A few weeks after they first met, Regulus came up to Remus and asked, “Are you a werewolf?” as if he was asking about Remus’ favorite color. Remus stammered and flushed, but didn’t answer. Regulus had stared at him for a long time, then said, “I thought you’d be different, you know. Werewolves. Guess I was wrong. You’re not scary. If given the chance, would you turn me?”</p><p>Remus, having been rendered speechless, shook his head. Regulus studied Remus some more, before finally saying, “I believe you. Can you help me with this History of Magic essay? I keep confusing all the goblin rebellions…”</p><p>And that was that.</p><p>Remus is immensely grateful for Regulus; he doesn’t think Hogwarts could have ever been the same having not been close to him. </p><p>“What are you daydreaming about?” Regulus asks, eyes still roaming through his book. What is he even reading?</p><p>“What are you reading?” Remus asks as they enter the Great Hall.</p><p>“A story.”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Well, a story about this--”</p><p>Remus snatches the book from Regulus, skims through the open page, and snorts. “Really? Here, of all places? We’re eating!”</p><p>Regulus, despite turning red, smiles. “You would never guess who I got it from.”</p><p>“Who?”</p><p>“Severus.”</p><p>“I definitely didn’t need to know that, Reg.”</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>“Stop staring,” James says, through a mouthful of food. “It’s getting creepy.”</p><p>
  <em>How have I not noticed this before? </em>
</p><p>“No, really, please do stop. It’s getting creepy, Sirius.”</p><p>
  <em>How the hell have I not noticed this before?</em>
</p><p>“What’s up with Black?” Marlene asks, looking amused. “Hey, Black! What’s up with you?”</p><p>
  <em>How hav--</em>
</p><p>“Hey!” James says, snapping his fingers in front of Sirius, making him jerk his head.</p><p>Sirius glared at James. <em>“What?” </em></p><p>“Stop staring!” James says.</p><p>“Stop looking constipated,” Marlene says.</p><p>Sirius sighs, dropping his head on James’ shoulder. “How have I not noticed this before, Jamie? <em>How?</em>”</p><p>James just shakes his head. Marlene looks confused, at first, but then Sirius thinks she decides she’d rather not know. She flips Sirius off and turns her attention back to Dorcas.</p><p>“Stop doing that!” James snaps, shaking Sirius’ head away. “You don’t even know the bloke properly, and adding insult to injury, he’s a Slytherin! Honestly, Sirius, I thought you had standards.”</p><p>“Also,” Peter begins, “that Lupin boy is weird weird, y’know? He keeps disappearing. I heard once that Daphe told Mary that Lucius told her that Remus got his scars when he made a deal with--”</p><p>“How have I never seen this?” asks Sirius, again, louder this time. “And with my stupider, younger brother!”</p><p>Sirius has been staring at the Slytherin table, intently and creepily, throughout dinner. Regulus is reading a book and Remus is leaning on his shoulder, sleeping. Regulus nudges him every once in a while to eat, and he does, then he dozes off again. Lupin looks even more out of place and striking surrounded by arrogant purebloods with sticks up their asses. Regulus says something, and Remus laughs. </p><p>It’s disgusting.</p><p>(Not the laughter; the Regulus. Ugh) </p><p>Peter shakes his head and James pinches Sirius’ forearm. “Are you even listening to us?”</p><p>Sirius nods.</p><p>“Honestly. He’s weird. And he’s a prefect. He’s not--”</p><p>“He’s a prefect?” </p><p>“Yes, he is. Which is precisely why--”</p><p>Sirius is already up and away from his seat. He walks down the Gryffindor table and lodges himself between Marlene and Lily, making Marlene spill her orange juice on her white shirt.</p><p>“Sirius, you bitch!”</p><p>Sirius ignores her. “How are you lovelies doing today?”</p><p>Lily raises an eyebrow. </p><p>“You look ravishing, Lils.”</p><p>Lily sighs. “Okay, what do you want, Black?”</p><p>“You wound me, Evans. Why would I want something?”</p><p>“‘Cause you’re a kiss ass," Marlene coughs. Sirius steps on her foot.</p><p>“Okay, yes, I’m horrible, whatever,” Sirius says, making Lily smirk. “You’re a prefect, Lily, and I was wondering how well you knew other prefects.”</p><p>“Other prefects?”</p><p>“Yes,” Sirius says and bites his lip. “y’know, Slytherin prefects, maybe?”</p><p>“Disgusting. You don’t seriously like Florence, do you? I thought you had class, Black.”</p><p>“I dated you, Marlene, didn’t I?”</p><p>“Oh, fuck you,” Marlene says, laughing. She turns back to Dorcas, who is raising an eyebrow, smiling crookedly. </p><p><em>Oh. </em>There is something there. Sirius is definitely going to pry. Later, though. He focuses on Lily, again, who looks deep in thought.</p><p>“I don’t think you like Florence.”</p><p>“Obviously I don’t.” Sirius snorts and picks up a chocolate cookie. “She scares me.”</p><p>Lily studies him for a moment, and suddenly her eyes widen.<em> “Absolutely not!” </em></p><p>“You don’t even know what--”</p><p>“No, trust me, I do.” She says, pointing a finger toward Sirius. “Don’t even think about it, Black.”</p><p>“But you don’t know--”</p><p>“Leave Remus alone, okay? He doesn’t need you in--”</p><p>“You’re talking like I’m some sort of disease!” Sirius hisses, shaking his head. “Who do you even think you are?”</p><p>Lily shakes her head, taking Sirius’ hand. “Not what I meant, Sirius--No, really! I promise. I’m sorry. It’s just that Remus goes through so much already, and I don’t think he needs you playing with him--”</p><p>“I won’t play!”</p><p>Lily gives him a look.</p><p>“Honest, Lils. I really do want to go out with him.”</p><p>“How do you even know him?”</p><p>Sirius feels like admitting that he didn’t up until two hours ago, give or take, won’t work in his favor. “I know him, alright.” He coughs, trying to be cryptic. </p><p>“Oh-kay, Black. What do you want?”</p><p>“I want you to turn around, and tell me the first thing that comes to mind when you see Remus and Re-- whomever is with him.”</p><p>Lily turns around, then turns back and smirks. “This is what this is about?”</p><p><em>“This</em> is about nothing. So?”</p><p>Lily doesn’t relent. “You think that he and Regulus--”</p><p>“Just tell me!”</p><p>“Well… They do seem pretty close, don’t they?”</p><p>Sirius groans, hitting his head on the table, twice, before Lily stops laughing long enough to stop him. </p><p>“Stop!” Lily says, catching her breath. “Don’t worry about that. I’m pretty sure Regulus likes someone else.”</p><p>“How the hell would you know that?”</p><p>“He likes Florence,” Lily says, eyes bright. “She told me herself.”</p><p>“What?!”</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Regulus, please go tell your brother to stop staring.”</p><p>“Hey, Narcissa,” Regulus starts, “please go make your cousin stop staring.”</p><p>Narcissa scowls. “I’d rather eat slimy slugs.”</p><p>“Oh, so you’re on the same page?” Remus asks, amused. </p><p>“Shut up, Lupin,” they both say at the same time, then return to their books. It’s eerie how similar they are. </p><p>“It is rather unsettling, though, isn’t it?” Severus asks, playing with the food on his plate. “Someone, please make him stop.”</p><p>“He’s staring at you, Lupin,” Lucius says, sneering slightly. “I wonder why that is?”</p><p>“Oh, screw off, Malfoy,” Regulus says.</p><p>“That’s cute; you defending his honor. You do realize, though, that--”</p><p>“Lucius!” Narcissa says, voice sharp, “Drop it.”</p><p>To her credit, Lucius does stop, and turns his attention to Goyle beside him, scowling.</p><p><em>The things people do for love, </em>Remus thinks. <em>Or sex. </em></p><p>“I can go talk to him, if you want,” Regulus whispers, even though Remus is sure it is the last thing he would want to do. </p><p>Remus snorts. “Sure.”</p><p>Regulus shakes his shoulder, and Remus’ head shakes with it. </p><p>“Hey!”</p><p>“Don’t be a sarcastic piece of shit, Remus.”</p><p>“Noted, Regulus.”</p><p>Remus <em>likes</em> it, likes Sirius staring at him, likes pretending that he doesn’t like it; pretending like he doesn’t notice.</p><p>He feels like it’s a secret, though, and he’s not sure that it’s a good thing, necessarily. In fact, he’s pretty sure that Regulus would punch him if he says that he’s interested in Sirius. (Or punch Sirius, most probably)</p><p>But Remus doesn’t need to think about that now. He can like Sirius in peace. Or at least, something resembling it. </p><p>
  
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. What We Discover.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> <strong><b>ii.</b></strong></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <b>What We Discover.</b> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>In the next few days, this is what Sirius Black figures out about Remus Lupin:</p><p>He is never fucking alone. Never. </p><p>It’s ridiculous. Sirius can’t even know if Remus is interested or not because he can’t have two seconds alone with him. He would approach him with his friends around, it’s just that he is almost exclusively around Regulus (Sirius doesn’t think so), Narcissa (Just no), or Severus (Sirius would rather ask Remus out in front of Regulus, which is saying something).</p><p>So, Sirius is back to where he started; he’s going to ask Remus out in Slughorn’s class, which is the only time Sirius had ever seen Remus without his plethora of bodyguards.</p><p>“You’re going to have to sit next to Severus today, Jamie,” Sirius says casually at breakfast. James starts coughing. </p><p>“Just why would I do--”</p><p>“Please, Jamie? Please, James. You wouldn’t stand in the way of eternal love, you wouldn’t!”</p><p>James raises an eyebrow. “In the way of what, now?”</p><p>“I think you used the wrong term there, Sirius,” says Peter, mouth full. “The phrase you’re looking for is ‘A Quick Fu--’”</p><p>“You are terrible,” Sirius says, stabbing his eggs. “Absolutely, unreasonably, unnecessarily and unimaginably terrible.”</p><p>“Okay. I’ll sit next to Snape for double Potions, whatever. But I have something I need to get in return, or else this wouldn’t be a favorable deal from where I’m standing.”</p><p>“Ever heard of doing something for a fucking friend, Jamie?” Sirius asks, trying to sound disapproving. “What do you want?”</p><p>James’ eyes glint, and Sirius knows he is Screwed, capitalized. </p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>Regulus has been having the worst day ever, ever. </p><p>He scowls as he thinks that; it’s such a <em>Sirius </em>type thought. </p><p>But, in all fairness, Regulus has been having a not-so-great day-- year, even. His classes are getting harder and harder to keep up with, his Quidditch practices more grueling and the letters from home more, what’s the word, ridiculous. Confusing. Borderline-insane. </p><p>He usually ignores those letters. But ever since he got the last one, his world had felt slightly tilted, not tilted enough to be a Big Deal; tilted just enough to make him want to through up if he thinks about it for too long. </p><p>Which is great.</p><p><em>Remus has spent the last 12 hours clawing at his own skin,</em> Regulus thinks. <em>I think my day’s been just fine. </em></p><p>He is sitting outside the Potions classroom, waiting for the class to finish. The ever so lovely Lily Evans takes extra notes for Remus when he is ‘unable to attend’, as she had once put it. Lily knows Remus is a werewolf, Regulus is certain, but is decent enough not to make it a big deal out of it.</p><p>Not that Regulus thinks Evans should be patted on the back for not being a despicable person; it’s just that Regulus doesn’t think there are enough not despicable people out there.</p><p>Great, again. </p><p>The classroom door opens, and Regulus backs away slightly, not wanting to get stepped over by overly-relieved Slytherins and Gryffindors.</p><p>The first person to step outside the classroom is his brother, and is anyone surprised? He looks irritated, and is followed by an even more irritated-looking James Potter. </p><p>“Standing in the way of eternal love <em>my fucking ass,” </em>James says, shaking his head. “I had to go through two hours of putting up with--”</p><p>“We get it!” Sirius hisses and catches Regulus’ eye as he walks past him. His eyes darken instantly. “Oh, honestly. Screw you, Regulus!” and hurries by, James following.</p><p>Peter Pettigrew, in his defense, has it in him to stand back. “Erm. I wouldn’t take that personally. He’s just, y’know, not having an, erm, great day, y’know how Sirius is. I wouldn’t dwell on it much.”</p><p>Regulus smiles despite himself. <em>I know how Sirius is, all right. “</em>Yes, I know, Peter. Thank you.”</p><p>Peter smiles in a way that makes him look constipated, and hurries after James and Sirius.</p><p>Regulus is still thinking about how Peter Pettigrew keeps up with those two when a gentle tap on his shoulder cuts his train of thought. Lily.</p><p>She hands him the notes, smiling, and Regulus wonders about how<em> she</em> puts up with those two. </p><p>How does <em>anyone</em> put up with them, anyway?</p><p>“Thank you kindly,” Regulus says, and Lily chuckles.</p><p>“You are very welcome, good sire. Say hi to Remus for me?”</p><p>“Will do. Really, Lily, thanks.”</p><p>Lily’s eyes are soft and warm as she leaves, and Regulus Black takes back what he said (thought?). If anyone did ever deserve a pat on the back, it would be Lily Fucking Evans.</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>“You better have something to make me feel better,” Remus grumbles, eyes still closed. He looks a little rough, but nothing too out of the ordinary. </p><p>“All I have are your Potions notes,” Regulus says, “and maybe, <em>maybe</em> some potential sexual favors, only if you ask nicely, though.”</p><p>Remus laughs, and Regulus lets out a breath. He’s fine; he’s always fine. Gonna take more than a few stupid moons to take out Remus Lupin.</p><p>“You asshole.”</p><p>Regulus shakes his head. “I thought my presence would be appreciated more, Lupin.”</p><p>“Yeah, I don’t think so.” Remus’ voice is rough and barely there. “I am so bored I think I would like to go over those notes.”</p><p>“To each their own,” Regulus says, handing Remus the parchment with Evan’s surprisingly messy handwriting. “I thought my other offer sounded more appealing.”</p><p>Remus takes the parchment and starts reading almost instantly. “Oh, honestly. Screw you, Regulus.”</p><p>“Sirius said that to me today.”</p><p>“Do tell,” Remus says absentmindedly as he’s reading. “What did you do?”</p><p>“What did<em> I </em>do?”</p><p>Remus snorts. “Good point.”</p><p>Regulus hums, opening his book again. He’s almost done with it. </p><p>“Can I say something, and then we both pretend that I didn’t?”</p><p>“What a peculiar request, Remus.”</p><p>“I think your brother’s hot.”</p><p>
  <em>“Remus!”</em>
</p><p>“Hotter than you, even though you look alike. Does that make sense? No offense, Reg.”</p><p>Regulus raises his book. “I will hit you.”</p><p>“But I’m weak and in pain.”</p><p>“Really, now?”</p><p>“He is unnaturally hot, Reg.”</p><p>Regulus sighs, and hits himself with his book. “Have we gotten to the ‘pretending you didn’t say it’ portion, yet?”</p><p>“Of course not. I have more to get off my chest.”</p><p>Regulus groans. </p><p> </p><p>…</p><p> </p><p>Regulus is in the common room, alone by the fire, and he almost misses Remus going on about Sirius.</p><p>
  <em>Almost.</em>
</p><p>Severus is sitting beside him, so maybe he isn’t<em> alone</em> alone. But Severus is unusually quiet and compliant, not complaining about anything or talking about Potions or planning someone’s murder (jokingly, Regulus hopes) or talking about Potions or talking about a certain red-haired (lovely) person.</p><p>Weird.</p><p>“Are you feeling well, Sev?” Regulus asks, not looking up from his book. Trying to be casual. It’s just that, Regulus can never be truly casual, no matter how hard he tries.</p><p>He sees Severus’ posture stiffen, but he pretends not to. He turns another page.</p><p>“I am feeling well, Black,” Severus says, forcefully casual. “How is Lupin? I hope his visit went okay.”</p><p> (Severus has problems with being casual, as well. Maybe it’s a Slytherin thing.)</p><p>Regulus coughs. “Oh, I’m sure it went fine. His mother is getting better, or so he says.”</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>Regulus knows that Lily knows, but he isn’t too sure about Severus.</p><p>“There is someone outside,” a tiny first year declares as he enters, looking confused. “He’s being weird.”</p><p>
  <em>Please don’t let it be Sirius.</em>
</p><p>Narcissa sighs as she gets up from where she is sitting, near Lucius, and smiles at the first year-- <em>Jackson, his name is Jackson,” Regulus thinks. </em></p><p><em>“</em>I’ll go see who it is. Go to bed, now.”</p><p>The first year hurries up the stairs, and Narcissa gets out to see who it is. A few moments pass, and she reenters, looking agitated. She scans the room until her eyes land on Regulus and she raises an eyebrow. </p><p>
  <em>Oh, goddammit, Sirius!</em>
</p><p>Regulus marks his place in the book and gets up. He hears Lucius Malfoy whisper a “Freak!” and wants to strangle him.</p><p>Pity he doesn’t have the time. </p><p>“Please don’t make a scene,” Narcissa mutters as Regulus passes her.</p><p>“Oh, Cissa. When do I ever?”</p><p>“I’m serious.”</p><p>Regulus smiles. “I won’t. Promise.” </p><p>Regulus exits the common room, and sure thing, Sirius is standing right outside the door. Looking like he, surprisingly, doesn’t want to start a fight.</p><p>What a world.</p><p>“Hello, brother dearest.”</p><p>“Do you honestly have to talk like that, Reg?” Sirius asks, huffing. Regulus’ heart tugs at the nickname. <em>Not the time, not the place.</em></p><p>“I am afraid so.” Regulus loves sounding like a pretentious prick when his brother is around; he knows that it gets under Sirius’ skin like nothing else, and Regulus isn’t above using any means to provoke his brother.</p><p>Sue him.</p><p>“I want you to, uh, deliver a message for me,” Sirius says, sounding awkward. He looks like it is taking every ounce of his self-control not to run away.</p><p>Regulus sighs. “To parents?”</p><p>“What? No! Why would I willingly want to talk to them, Reg?”</p><p>Biting his lip to hold back a smile, Regulus shrugs. Sirius does have a point, though.</p><p>“For, eh, someone else. Here--” Sirius hands over a letter, a fancy-looking and magically-sealed letter that is the furthest thing from Sirius Regulus could think of. </p><p>“For?” Regulus prompts, trying his hardest not to fidget.</p><p>“Florence Greengrass. You know Florence, no?”</p><p>Regulus, against his better judgment, feels his cheeks burn. “Um.”</p><p>Sirius raises an eyebrow. “Has someone got a small crush, little brother?”</p><p>Regulus grunts, almost wants to punch Sirius, but he’s also unbelievably happy. He’s missed this; the teasing and the general brotherly unpleasantness that makes him want to break something. He’s missed it an unbelievable amount.</p><p>“Can you please hook up with someone else?” Regulus asks, trying to sound disappointed. “<em>Anyone </em>else?” </p><p>Sirius shakes his head, also holding back a smile. “Florence scares the living shit out of me, Reg.”</p><p>“Makes two of us, then,” Regulus mutters, and Sirius snorts.</p><p>“Just give her the letter, okay? It’s not what you think it is. I like someo-- it’s just not what you think, yeah?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Well, thank you,<em> brother dearest.</em> Send my love to mother?”</p><p>“Oh, screw you, Sirius.”</p><p> </p><p>…</p><p>Remus, exhausted and aching, returns to the Slytherin common room with the sun barely above the horizon. </p><p>The castle is eerie and quiet, as it usually is. It’s almost December, and the cold all around Remus makes his teeth shatter and skin shiver, but it also makes it easier to breathe. Cold air feels clean and stimulating. The cold is gnawing at Remus’ bones, and he is grateful for that (after full moons, at least. It keeps him awake). </p><p>The common room is mostly empty, with a few overly-enthusiastic first years around the common room fire writing on parchment (Remus remembers how nervous he had been the entirety of his first year; how desperate he was to please everyone and prove that he deserved to be at Hogwarts-- it’s bittersweet, thinking about it.)</p><p>Besides the first years, Regulus is asleep on one of the chairs with the same damned book open in his lap, and a letter clutched in his left hand. </p><p>Remus shakes his head as he nudges Regulus’ shoulder gently. Regulus doesn’t startle or jerk awake, and it doesn’t surprise Remus at all. It takes a lot to catch Regulus by surprise, even when he’s sleeping, apparently. </p><p>Regulus stretches slightly and his neck cracks.</p><p>“Don’t do that!”</p><p>Regulus huffs. “Oh, thank you for waiting for me, Regulus, what an amazing person you are.”</p><p>Remus laughs, and coughs almost instantly, as if he is being punished for laughing. “Thanks, Reg.”</p><p>“Oh, don’t say that! I was joking, you know, right? It’s--”</p><p>“<em>I know,</em> Regulus. I promise.”</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>Remus would like nothing more than to fall into his bed and go into mild hibernation. He, unfortunately, can’t until his dorm room is empty. He could go into bed as all his other roommates are getting ready, but there would be too much awkwardness that could be easily avoided if all three of his roommates-including Severus- pretend that Remus gets back from his ‘home visit’ as soon as they are getting out, and hey, what a nice coincidence!</p><p>Remus tries to make himself comfortable beside Regulus. “You should be getting ready, Reg.”</p><p>“I am ready. And I didn’t need to fight anyone to shower first.”</p><p>“How productive.”</p><p>“Very.”</p><p>“Who’s sending you letters?” Remus asks. His eyes are closed, and he feels Regulus tense beside him, and then try not to seem so tense. The trouble is, Regulus is not a casual person, and it is so plainly obvious to Remus, eyes closed and all, that he is thinking of a lie. </p><p>“No one,” Regulus says quickly. “It’s not for me. I am the messenger, so to speak.”</p><p>“You are so full of absolute shit, Black.”</p><p>Regulus laughs. “If only you knew the half of it, Lupin.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <b>…</b> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“Where do you think you’re going, Lupin?”</p><p>Remus jumps, and the books he’s holding fall from his hands and land loudly all around him. It’s almost as if he has been caught doing something wrong, even though he isn’t. </p><p>“Oh!” Florence exclaims as she leans down and begins to pick up Remus’ books, “I didn’t mean to startle you, love.”</p><p>Florence hands Remus his books back, and he smiles. “No worries.”</p><p>“But, seriously, where do you think you’re going? It’s late, Remus! If you were anybody else I would have--”</p><p>“Yes, yes. I know, Florence. I’m going to the library, have some catching up to do.”</p><p>“The library will still be there tomorrow, you know, and the day after, and the day after that, and--”</p><p>Remus rolls his eyes, but he’s still smiling. “I think you’ve made your point clear.”</p><p>“Have I? I think I could elaborate some more.”</p><p>“Ha-ha, Florence.”</p><p>“Is your mother getting better?”</p><p>Remus cringes. “Em-- yeah. Yes, she is.”</p><p>“I’m glad. Is there anything I could do for you? You can copy my Potions notes if you’d like.”</p><p>“Thank you, but I’ve already got those--” Thank the heavens for Lily Evans. “How about you do something else for me?”</p><p>“If anyone else had said that sentence, their nose would have already been broken, Lupin.”</p><p>“Go out with Regulus.”</p><p>She laughs. “And where is the fun in that?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <b>…</b> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The library is empty, and Sirius lets out a sigh of relief.</p><p>He doesn’t think he’s up to dealing with anyone, at the moment. Maybe not ever again. He’s been having a productive-ish day, but he still had some stuff to catch up on, because yes; Sirius Black does indeed study and yes! He does care about his grades. He’d rather not mess up his O.W.L.S, not after his whole ‘depending on family riches’ option stopped being an option after being disowned. </p><p>Madam Pince smiles slightly as Sirius enters the library, and he smiles in return. Even though nearly everyone Sirius knows hates the librarian, Sirius has come to be quite fond of her. She’s stern and quiet, mostly, but she can be very funny and somewhat pleasant when she wants to be.</p><p>Sirius sits down on one of the tables and resumes working on the essay that is taking over his life (A Transfiguration essay that Sirius wants to be perfect; he likes impressing McGonagall, sue him.) His handwriting is getting progressively worse and his motivation considerably dying out when he decides that a break is due.</p><p>He stretches in his chair, turns his head around and almost falls; only then does he notice Remus Lupin sitting two tables away, surrounded by books and parchment, with an ink stain on his right cheek. </p><p>Of all possible fucking times. </p><p>Sirius doesn’t even think about it. He is sitting in the empty chair in front of Remus two seconds later. Remus, looking exhausted and writing away, doesn’t even notice Sirius until he coughs loudly. </p><p>Remus looks up from his parchment, and his reaction is quite comical; His eyes widen and he lets out a low (cute) sound of surprise. </p><p>“Good evening,” Sirius says as if nothing out of the ordinary has just happened.</p><p>Remus recovers quickly, clears his throat and fixes his posture. Sirius doesn’t miss the way his hands are slightly fidgeting, though, on top of the parchment. </p><p>“Good evening.” Remus’ voice is rough, almost bruised, nothing like the last time Sirius spoke to him. </p><p>“Are you sick?”</p><p>Remus chuckles humorlessly. “Something like that, maybe.”</p><p>Sirius waits for him to say more, but he doesn’t. Remus returns to writing as he did before, as if Sirius isn’t there. </p><p>“Can you help me with something?”</p><p>Remus hums. “Yes?”</p><p>Sirius should have thought this through. “With Potions.”</p><p>Remus doesn’t say anything immediately. After a few seconds of surprisingly comfortable silence, Remus looks up and raises an eyebrow. “What about Potions?”</p><p>“I’m not very good,” Sirius admits, biting his lip. “Maybe be my partner who tells me things? You seemed to know what you were doing.”</p><p>“If you really wanted to get better at Potions--” he’s back to writing now, “-- you should go to Severus.”</p><p>“I would rather do <em>anything </em>else, Lupin.”</p><p>Remus laughs, shaking his head.</p><p>“So?”</p><p>“So what?”</p><p>“Would you help me?”</p><p>“If you wanted to. I’m not that good.”</p><p>“It’s a deal, then.”</p><p>Remus hums, again. </p><p>“Can I write my essay here?”</p><p>“Here?”</p><p>“Yeah. Studying alone is lame.”</p><p>“Lame?”</p><p>“Lame.”</p><p>Remus shrugs, and Sirius doesn’t need him to say anything else. He summons his books and parchment and starts writing again. </p><p>He waits for Remus to say something. He waits and waits and waits an--</p><p>“What are you working on?”</p><p><em>Voila! </em>Sirius makes a point of not looking up until he finishes the sentence he’s in the middle of. “Huh?”</p><p>“What are you working on?”</p><p>“Oh. McGonagall’s essay.”</p><p>“That’s not due for a while.”</p><p>“Nope, it isn’t. I like starting early, though.”</p><p>Remus looks surprised, and Sirius almost wants to smirk<em>. Yeah, take that! Brains and brawn, Lupin. I’m irresistible. </em></p><p>“Screw you, Black. You’re making me feel bad about myself.”</p><p>Sirius laughs in, what he hopes, is a seductive way. “Oh, please. You cannot possibly feel bad about yourself, Lupin.”</p><p>Remus raises an eyebrow and smiles slightly. Sirius doesn’t know if he can survive one of Remus’ almost shy smirks ever again. </p><p>Remus is staring at Sirius, and he’s staring intently back. The library is absolutely silent except for the wind outside. Sirius is tired, he almost feels drunk, and he’s never, in the entirety of his sad life, wanted anything more than he wanted to kiss Remus right then, to hold him, to make sure that he sleeps well (he looks like he needs a couple of good nights of sleep). Sirius is going to kiss Remus as soon as Remus’ eyes flicker to Sirius’ lips, as soon as Remus licks his own lips, as soon as--</p><p>Remus breaks eye contact and returns scribbling away on his parchment. “You could help me with mine.”</p><p>Sirius continues staring at Remus (like a confused goldfish). He only cares enough to close his slightly open mouth after a considerable amount of time. He coughs. “Sure.”</p><p>Remus is biting his cheek, almost not wanting to smile, and Sirius <em>wants</em> so bad. </p><p>“I need a book recommendation.”</p><p><em>Wonderful Sirius, absolutely wonderful.</em> Sirius wants to roll his eyes at himself. A book recommendation?!</p><p>“A book recommendation?” Remus questions, looking amused. </p><p>“Yes.” Sirius coughs. “I wanna, y’know, read.”</p><p>“I have this book that I think you’d<em> love,</em>” Remus says, suppressing laughter as if he’s telling a joke. “You’ll need to wait until Regulus finishes it, though.”</p><p>Sirius scowls. “I don’t think I want anything that Regulus liked, thanks.”</p><p>Remus gives Sirius a look. “And ‘our cult’ is prejudiced?”</p><p>Sirius, admittedly, can’t find a retort or a reply right away. He is also trying not to rub Remus the wrong way. “I feel like you’re the exception.”</p><p>“Oh, am I?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“You’re very big-headed, Black.”</p><p>“Oh, am I?” Sirius parrots stubbornly.</p><p> This is not where he wanted to go with this! Sirius takes in a deep breath. “I’m sorry-- I didn’t mean to-- I mean, it wasn’t what I wanted to-- I’d love to read that book,” Sirius finishes miserably, wanting to bang his head somewhere.</p><p>Remus’ eyes are on fire. He looks like he wants to say more, to do more. His eyes turn soft, though, and he shrugs. “I’ll give you it when Regulus finishes.”</p><p>“Thank you in advance then, Lupin.”</p><p>Remus doesn’t reply. He’s writing, looking generally peaceful, but he has a vice-like grip on his quill. The poor quill snaps in half, and Remus sighs.</p><p>“You can have my quill,” Sirius offers stupidly, handing the only quill that he has with him to Remus, trying not to grimace.</p><p>“Don’t you need that?”</p><p>“I think I’m done for the night.”</p><p>Remus thanks Sirius and takes the quill. Sirius tries to look busy reading one of the many books around them. He doesn’t want to come off too strong, but he still wants to ask Remus out, to get to know him better, to kiss him and to--</p><p>“You reminded me of my dad.”</p><p>Of all the sentences Sirius could have anticipated Remus saying, <em>that</em> wasn’t one of them.</p><p>“Excuse me?”</p><p>Remus laughs slightly, shaking his head. “That didn’t come out right.”</p><p>“Was it a compliment? I’d take it if it was a compliment, y’know.”</p><p>“Ha! If only you knew my father, Black,” Remus’ voice sounds slightly more scratchy now that he’s talking in a louder tone. “I meant about-- well, the Slytherin thing. My father sent me a pretty strong-worded letter about being sorted-- about how I had an ‘affinity for viciousness’ that I shouldn’t have satisfied.”</p><p>“An affinity for-- Satisfied? How?”</p><p>“Being sorted into Slytherin.”</p><p>Sirius almost wants to laugh. “My mother sent me a private howler in which she went on and on about how much of a disgrace I was for <em>not</em> being sorted into Slyther-- wait, your father said that you were <em>predestined</em> to be evil?”</p><p>Remus grins, mischievous and bright and blinding. “You don’t know the half of it, Black.”</p><p>“My mother would love you, Lupin.”</p><p>Remus visibly cringes. “Yeah-- I don’t think so.”</p><p>“Your father would probably like me--”</p><p>“Oh, he’d adore you.”</p><p>“The Parent Disappointment Alliance,” Sirius announce dramatically. “ We should make that a thing.”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Yes. Two members, a lot of shit-talking parents, maybe snacks.”</p><p>Remus shrugs his shoulders. “I’m in.”</p><p>“It’s fate!” Sirius exclaims, and Remus scoffs. “What? Don’t like fate, do you?”</p><p>Remus sighs. “No, not really. My mother used to say that if we saw and learned everything and anything that could have happened at whatever point in our lives, we would still inevitably choose what actually took place.”</p><p>“That’s a nice thought.”</p><p>“It’s uttermost bullshit.”</p><p>“It is,” Sirius agrees. “No offense to your mother, Lupin, but what does that even mean?”</p><p>Remus shakes his head. “It’s hard to believe in that when so many little, seemingly irrelevant things that affect our lives greatly, negatively, whatever, could have been very easily avoided, not having happened in the first place, had we not been at the right place at the right time, or had we done something slightly different.”</p><p>Sirius raises an eyebrow. “Angsty, much?”</p><p>Remus chuckles. </p><p>“Like what?”</p><p>“Huh?” </p><p>“The small, tiny and irrelevant whatever. Like what?”</p><p>Remus bites his lip. “Oh. It’s nothing. It was hypothetical-- trying to prove a point, and such.”</p><p>“Uh-huh,” Sirius says, not at all convinced.</p><p>Putting the parchment inside one of the books, Remus yawns, and it isn’t even staged or fake. “I think I’ve done enough, as well. See you around, Black.”</p><p>Sirius panics. “Go out with me.”</p><p>Remus, as he is piling his books on top of each other, freezes. “Huh?”</p><p>Talk about awkward. </p><p>But Sirius refuses to succumb to the awkwardness. He messes with his hair, trying to calm down. “Go out with me. Next Saturday.”</p><p>Remus doesn’t miss a beat. “I’ll think about it.”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“I’ll think about it,” Remus repeats, his dimple showing. “Maybe I could send you a letter when I make up my mind?”</p><p>“How did you know--”</p><p>“Florence told me it was you, didn’t believe her at first, thought she was messing around,” Remus smiles. “I guess she wasn’t. </p><p>Sirius refuses to look sheepish, he <em>won’t</em>. “That isn’t an answer.”</p><p>“Well, then--” Remus gets up, “-- I guess you’re going to have to deal with it, Black.”</p><p>“Can I kiss you?”</p><p>Remus is taken aback.</p><p>
  <em>Yes! Take that, Lupin.</em>
</p><p>Remus is walking, now, and Sirius is following him. They stop outside the Library, close, close, close.</p><p>“Maybe on Saturday.” </p><p>Despite himself, Sirius smiles. “Maybe on Saturday.”</p><p>“I have something I need you to do for me, though,” Remus whispers, getting closer.</p><p>Sirius thinks he suddenly caught fire. “Yeah?”</p><p>“Make sure to tell Regulus about this--whatever it could be, okay?”</p><p>“Regulus?”</p><p>“I would prefer if he doesn’t murder you, also.”</p><p>“Murder me?” Sirius feels stupid, but Remus is so close, radiating heat and warmth and smelling divine--</p><p>Remus kisses Sirius cheek, a feather-light kiss that is so sweet and incredibly innocent. “I’ll see you around, Black.”</p><p>Sirius is standing alone, in front of an empty library in an empty corridor, and he is pretty sure that he is in no way in hell going to survive waiting until Saturday. He starts walking toward the Gryffindor common room, jaw hurting from smiling too much. </p><p>He can’t <em>wait</em> until he tells James. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. What We Know For Sure.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>(Bonus) </p><p>
  <strong> <b>iii.</b> </strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <b>What We Know For Sure.</b> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Regulus!”</p><p>Regulus sighs and shakes his head, but he doesn’t move. He’s still standing in front of the door, arms crossed over his chest. “Please, Sirius, leave. Come back tomorrow.”</p><p>“I want to make sure that he’s okay.”</p><p>“He is,” Regulus says, sounding sincere. “I promise he’s fine. He splinched himself while apparating back, but he’s <em>fine.”</em></p><p>“Then it would make sense that I go and see him, as he is <em>fine.”</em></p><p>“He doesn’t want you in there, Sirius. Please.”</p><p>Sirius doesn’t have a response. It’s true, what Regulus said, and it hurts. Sirius tries to steady his voice. “And he splinched himself last month and the month before-- don’t you think that something is wrong, Regulus? He’s always hurt after coming back from home. You know there’s something wrong, Regulus, and I do too; I’m not stupid. Just let me see him, okay? I promise I wouldn’t make him uncomfortable or anything-- I just want to see him, Regulus, please,” Sirius tries to make his voice break, tries to convince Regulus to just let him in. Let him talk this out with Remus. </p><p>“Sirius, I--”</p><p>“Please, Regulus. He wants me in there, you know he does.”</p><p>Regulus sighs. “Pomfrey would kill you.”</p><p>Sirius, despite himself, smiles. “I’d die for love, Regulus.”</p><p>“You’d be willing to die for literally anything, Sirius.”</p><p>“What can I say? Courage speaks for itself.”</p><p>“So does stupidity, brother dearest.”</p><p>“Please let me in?”</p><p>Regulus nods slightly. “I’ll be outside, though, I--”</p><p>“No! Don’t you--”</p><p>“I know you, Sirius. And I know that Remus doesn’t need questions or hunches or guesses about anything right now. I wanna make sure that you don’t do that.”</p><p>“You have to be kidding me.”</p><p>“It’s my condition, brother dearest.”</p><p>“I could still knock you out cold, Reggie.”</p><p>“And so could I, brother dearest. Lead the way.”</p><p>…...</p><p> </p><p>Remus looks worse than Sirius expects.</p><p>Considerably worse.</p><p>He is covered in new scars and shallow cuts. Bandages cover most of his chest and forearms. His eyes are closed, but his breath is irregular and he’s fidgeting, which means he’s still awake. </p><p>Regulus had the decency to leave Sirius alone for a bit, just at first.</p><p>Sirius sits down in the chair next to the infirmary bed gently, trying not to startle Remus. “Hey, Rem.”</p><p>Remus must have sensed Sirius because he doesn’t seem surprised. “I was hoping you’d be Regulus.” He’s slightly smiling now, eyes still closed. </p><p>“Ouch! It’s almost as if you’re going out with the wrong brother, Remus.”</p><p>“I’ve always made poor choices.”</p><p>“I’m going to let that slide, for now. I’ll fight when you look more… alive, maybe. Less broken.”</p><p>“Hey!” Remus exclaims as he opens his eyes. His eyes are the same striking amber that Sirius has grown to adore and find solace in. “I’m not broken.” </p><p>Sirius lets out a breath. It’s going to take more than <em>this</em> to break Remus Lupin. “I’m glad you’re okay, love.”</p><p>Remus exhales. “I’m glad you’re okay, too.”</p><p>Sirius is holding Remus’ hand now, trying to be brave. “That’s nice.”</p><p>Remus hums. “What happened yesterday?”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“The match, lovely.”</p><p>“Oh, the match.” Sirius bites his lip. “I don’t recall specifically, you know how these things--”</p><p>“Slytherin won, didn’t they?”</p><p>“Slytherin <em>cheated</em>, you mean,” Sirius says. </p><p>“Yes!” Remus exclaims. It is the least enthusiastic, most exhausted “yes!” Sirius has ever heard, but it cheers him up. </p><p>“Oh, whatever. Did you not hear me? You cheated!”</p><p>“Such Gryffindor tendencies. Such a sore loser, Sirius.”</p><p>“Can I tell you something?” Sirius asks, trying to calm down, to be brave, to be courageous, to be--</p><p>“Tell me something.”</p><p>“I don’t want it to ruin this--” Sirius gestures to Remus then himself, “--though.”</p><p>Remus raises an eyebrow. “Yes?”</p><p>“Especially since this is new and fragile, maybe.”</p><p>“Fragile?”</p><p>“Probably not my finest word choice, but--”</p><p>“Probably?”</p><p>“--I know you, Remus, I know what you’re like and I know that you might freak out, a little bit, at first, but it would inevitably be better, you know, when all is said and, y’know, done. I do think I am morally obliged to tell you, somehow, which is a ridiculous notion, really, almost as ridiculous as Regulus catching the snitch six minutes after yesterday’s game begun and as ambiguous as notions like destiny and fate and other similar bullshit. I--”</p><p>“If the words ‘love you’ come out of your mouth, Sirius, I will murder--”</p><p>“-- know you’re a werewolf.” </p><p>It’s silent, only for a fleeting moment, though. The curtains around the bed fly open, and Regulus enters, frowning. “<em>What the hell</em>, Sirius?”</p><p>Sirius forgot about Regulus. </p><p>Remus’ eyes fly open, and he sits up in the bed; he tries to, at least. Regulus goes to help him and Sirius isn’t sure what to do with himself. </p><p>“Did you--”</p><p>“I didn’t, Rem, I promise.”</p><p>Remus looks lost, almost. He studies Sirius, stares into his eyes, and what feels like hours later, he turns to Regulus. “Can you give us a moment, Reg?”</p><p>“Are you--”</p><p>“Please, Regulus,” Remus says, and Regulus silently complies, closing the curtains around the infirmary bed. </p><p>Sirius almost wishes that Regulus stayed. The silence surrounding him is suffocating on so many different levels. Remus is staring at him, breathing raggedly, and Sirius’ heart feels heavy.</p><p>“I don’t know what to say, Sirius.”</p><p>“You don’t have to say anything,” Sirius says, biting his lip. “I think--”</p><p>“This is ridiculous, Sirius. I-- How do you know?”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“How did you find out?”</p><p>“I, well. It was more of a guess than anything else. The dates added up, and I saw the bite on your side, remember? When we-- I saw it. And I guessed.”</p><p>Remus is looking at Sirius. “I think you are underestimating this.”</p><p>“I am not,” Sirius says firmly. “It means nothing to me.”</p><p>“I thought that was a love confession.”</p><p>“I love you,” Sirius says, without missing a beat. “I adore you, Remus. I honestly thought we had already said it.”</p><p>“Of course you did.”</p><p>”So?”</p><p>Remus squints his eyes. “So what?”</p><p>“Aren’t you going to say it back?” Sirius asks, smirking slightly.</p><p>“This is not the conversation we should be having right now, love.”</p><p>“It is to me,” Sirius says, getting closer to Remus. “I told you I knew so that you wouldn’t have to keep lying to me, y’know. But it means nothing to me. It changes absolutely nothing, Remus, I promise.”</p><p>“I don’t really believe you.”</p><p>“You’re going to have to, Remus. I am not going anywhere.”</p><p>Remus smiles slightly, tiredly, brightly. “I hope that you don’t,” he whispers.</p><p>Sirius gets into bed with Remus, and pulls him closer to his chest. Remus seems serene, almost. Sleepy and comfortable and not tense, which is all that Sirius wants.</p><p>“Hey, Remus?”</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“I’m going to help you. I promise.”</p><p>“You are helping me, S--”</p><p>”No, I will. I have something in mind that I’m--”</p><p>“Can I convince you to stop in any way?”</p><p>“Probably not, Re.”</p><p>Remus sighs. “Don’t do something dumb, love.” </p><p>“I make no promises.” Sirius runs his hand through Remus’ hair. “Hey, Remus?”</p><p>Remus chuckles. “Yes, love?”</p><p>“Do you love me, or…”</p><p>“you are insufferable, Sirius.”</p><p>“Is that a yes? It could be a--”</p><p>“I love you, Sirius, love, stupid. I--”</p><p>“This is quite wonderful and everything,” Regulus interrupts, opening the curtain and coming in, looking confused. “but what the hell, Sirius? How--”</p><p>“Get out, Regulus.” </p><p>"No, really. This is the one thing I tell you not to do and you fucking--"</p><p>"Get out, Regulus!" it's Remus, this time. He's almost laughing, now. Regulus, despite having just been glaring at Sirius, softens slightly. He mouths "I'll talk to you later" to Sirius, and it is a conversation Sirius is not looking forward to having. </p><p>"I forgot Regulus was there-- sorry, I--" Sirius stops talking when he notices that Remus' breath is even, and his hand is no longer tightly grabbing Sirius, but instead grabbing it gently, indicating that he has fallen asleep. </p><p>This is far from ideal, the situation that they're in. Sirius knows that there will be far more talks and discussions and reassurances, but he is strangely not dreading those, not not looking forward to them, because they're going to be awkward and uncomfortable and maybe even frustrating, but they're going to be with Remus. </p><p>And really, what more could Sirius ask for?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I had so much fun writing this!!! I never knew I needed a Slytherin!Remus in my life, but turns out I do. I hope that was enjoyable + thank you so very much for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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